august 16 .

why is the world so fucking cruel ? i dont know why im forced to be here .

i was born into a timeline i never asked to live in , and now i am forced to stay .

i am in love and infatuated witha boy who isnt even alive anymore .

and everyday i am stuck with only the fantasy of him . i yearn to hear him .

to feel him . but he isnt even here .

it sucks .

august 1st .

i dont know where to even begin . i wish i was never born . everything wants me dead i swear .

anything bad that can happen to someone , continously happens to me . why me , out of everyone .

my parents are fucking me up so goddamn badly , my body is deteriorating and i can feel it all .

i can feel each and every organ begin rotting , my body is constantly aching and i have no energy .

i just sleep all day to skip time , and even then i feel no better . no closer to leaving this shit hole .

i've contemplated . . . doing *it* but i always get scared in the end. the fear of what afterlife is affects me too much. .

there is really nothing i can do to stop all of it . i am done with living . i hate who i am .

i hate where i live . i hate what i've become . i hate everything . i just want to die .

its gotten to the point that when i leave the house i hope and pray someone randomly kills me . so that i dont have to suffer anymore .

because "god" knows i can't do it myself . i pussy out everytime . fucking hate it .

march 9th .

first journal entry ever =] dont have much to say just yet, check back later, ill update when i remember too .

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go back home ? . . .